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A Rant

7/1/2013

 
It took me a while to decide where to post this-- there was my personal blog, but that has become, more and more, just that-- personal.  There was FB, which was likely to start a shitstorm of epic proportions, and I didn't want to do that.  I just wanted to answer publicly to some criticisms that, while aimed at my books in this case seemed to be aimed at me, and that seemed more of a professional thing than a personal thing, so here we are.

Most folks here are going to have no idea what I'm talking about, and I feel bad, but it's a problem that was started in social media, and I think it sort of needs to be addressed there as well.

See, it has to do with Forever Promised, and one of the central conflicts there, which (and this is probably not a surprise to many people) revolves around being able to have children.  

Now see, this is sort of irritating.  

I know many couples who, by choice or by chance, will not and often do not want to have children.  They live happy, productive, amazing lives, and they give a tremendous amount of wisdom and kindness into the world, and the world is definitely a more glorious place for their coupledom without the blessed little event.  I am a big believer in the non-traditional family, and in forging family ties with the people you love, blood ties notwithstanding, and I think my work has made it clear.  Jace and Quent?  Sonny and Ace?  Colby and Terrell?  Chris and Xan?  These couples are not going to have children.  It is not in their psychological make-up, and it's not something they need to do.  (Seriously-- Sonny and Ace?  Fathers?  Holy Goddess is that a mistake.)  I don't think this is a lack in them, I think that if I were to write a sequel to any of them, they would be doing exciting, amazing, productive things without children.  

The guys in the Johnnies series?  Well, they have a lot of sex, and not all of it is butt-sechs, and that's gonna make us some babies, and babies are a complication in the world of sex, and so that's gonna fucking happen, whether they want it to or not. 

Which brings us to The Promises series.  The people in the Promises series want children.  

Fucking sue me.  

I know this is going to come as a shock to people who aren't great at reading between the lines, but Deacon has wanted children from the very first book.  Crick took one look at the picture of Parry Angel and said, "Deacon, why didn't you tell me?"  And Deacon wanted Crick more, and so it wasn't a sacrifice.  Jeff and Collin both came from happy families-- is it a surprise to anyone that they'll want to recreate that happy family for themselves?  Shane is a nurturer--and whether he wants to admit it, so is Mikhail-- should anybody be surprised that they need to choose a way to nurture?  Anyone who has gotten to be a certain age with friends of the same age can tell you this-- whether you're in the center of the maelstrom or not, baby fever does hit a group of people around the same time.  I've had friends who've sat the sidelines, and planned to do so for their entire lives-- but they are actively involved in my children's lives, and my children adore them.  I've had friends who've had their own families, become the nucleus of their own molecule, and, when we were younger, we raised our children together.  That too is marvelous.  I do not advocate children as the only way for true happiness-- but there's no denying the subject of the little buggers comes up when you're starting a life together.  For people like Deacon and Crick, from a place like Levee Oaks, they're going to be something both parties are going to at least think about when starting a relationship, and, well, the guys from the Pulpit are all around the same age.  

For those critics who are bitter because I took characters to their logical conclusions, to the place in their lives that every other couple I've ever known has been to and dealt with, with whatever reckoning at the end?

Tough.  It's not a decision I'll take back.  I'll worry about my craftsmanship, and I'll worry about the sad things that happen in my work, but I'm not going to worry about this.  I'll stand by the decisions the characters made in this book as very real, and very timely in the lives of couples in their twenties and thirties, whether they're gay or straight or a two-some or moresome.  How a couple moves on and makes an impact on the future is always a consideration.  Are babies necessary?  No.  But they're one possible answer to the age old question every couple has ever asked themselves once they're established:  What next.  

And another thing.  My girl-children came hard upon the heels of my boy-children, but my boy-children were reluctant to come.  I have spent, by my reckoning, nine years of my life worrying about getting pregnant.  That's two and a half years when we were trying for Big T, and seven and a half when we thought we'd try again after Chicken and suddenly there was Zoomboy.  While we were hoping for our first baby, my step-sister became pregnant (by accident, right out of high school) and I was devastated.  The hurt was amazing.  And I've also held friends' hands as they've endured the same thing--I once sewed two quilts for a friend that I donated to charity, because his wife miscarried twins at five months, and I had no words.

So it comes to this--reading what critics say is never easy-- never easy.  But when you pour literally heart and soul into a story to have not your craftsmanship attacked but your life choices as seen through the lives of your characters?  That's hard.  I won't say it takes away some of the joy of the story, because too many awesome people are telling me I did good, and I won't take away from their good words.  But it does remind me of the basic unfairness of people in general.  I guess in a way, this is good-- I was starting to wonder if I had the capacity for basic rage anymore now that I was out of the public school system, and it's great to see I can still rant with the best of them.  Nothing I've ever written-- or ever will write-- will ever judge another person for a choice or a chance to not have children.  How dare people judge my characters or me for that matter for the choice and the chance to have them.
grammy link
7/1/2013 04:15:55 am

Oh My,
Is this what people do, find the time to take a book on because a gay couple will have a child.....I am so sad...;.(

Sadonna
7/1/2013 04:15:59 am

Wow. Just. Wow. So I'm one of those people that has chosen not to have children. That was my choice and no one else's and it was the right choice for me. I cannot believe that this is even a question about these characters. It was obvious from the get go with the way both Crick and Deacon mothered Crick and his sisters that there was no way that they wouldn't be parents in some capacity. I thought it was beautiful the way it came to pass and anyone who calls that into question hasn't been paying attention while reading this series. To me this speaks to people not being comfortable with their own choices or projecting some other issue they have on these characters.

Janette
7/1/2013 05:09:02 am

I have read all your books and love the progression of the characters! Your books were my first m/m books and I love the way you show the love, compassion, and personalities! I know all authors have to deal with critics and some reviews I have read make me sick! Keep doing what you do I love your books they are beautifully written!!

Phoenix Emrys link
7/1/2013 05:26:29 am

How dare they indeed! All I can say is keep doing what you do so very well. I'm sure you please far, far many more than you don't. There will alwys be cruel people in the world. The fault they find says far more about them than you. Rock on, sistah!

Lauraadriana
7/1/2013 07:50:59 am

I'm not sure what exactly was said, but I can only imagine. What's more I cannot even fathom anyone who has actually read the first three books in this series not completely understading that Crick and Deacon would want children. Deacon the patriarch the head of the family and Crick the nurturer, it made complete sense!

Situations like this are where the magical things that is this community turns a bit sour, people taking the liberty of deciding an author can't see beyond their owm life's parameters because a storyline didn't work for them is total crap, what's more, I agree with Sadonna, seems a lot to me that these people are feeeling somehow questioned in their personal life choices and lashing out.

I for one think this book a wonderful ending to this series and to nitpick at it by bringing your family into it is just petty.

Lia
7/1/2013 11:51:48 am

I will start by saying that whomever posted the critique that has necessitated this is crazy! One of the things that I have always loved about your writing is that you are always true to the character - even/especially when it's not easy. Your writing is one of the reasons I came to this genre in the first place, and one of the reasons why you remain a "must order" for me with each new release.

Promise is one of my favorite series, and I agree with those posts before me that from the very beginning Deacon and Crick were meant to be parents. It couldn't have ended any other way. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your writing, and telling them to stuff it.

Nikki Hardin link
7/3/2013 12:28:51 pm

I loved the book and hate that I've finished it. Loved that Deacon and Crick had a baby and hate that it seems to be the last book in the series. Shouldn't J.D. have his own series?!

Nikki Hardin link
7/3/2013 12:37:20 pm

PS: I started a magazine for women in 1994 that has been very successful and I got a letter today from a reader basically hating everything about it. My first instinct was to cry of course, next to get pissed off and finally to let it go. The last thing was the absolute hardest to do, but after 19 years that sequence has gone faster and I get to the "let it go" part much sooner. But yes, it's my baby and it hurts, so I understand .

Vicky
7/4/2013 05:59:19 am

I am a huge fan of all your work,and the Promises series is one of my favorites.
I found out in my early 20's that I can't have children, I chose to distance myself from people I know with kids then(too painful) and have kept that distance(I'm now 40) it's my way of dealing.
Despite this I LOVE reading about people overcoming the odds and having children whether they be gay or straight(I was desperately hoping Kim would have a miracle baby) be it adoption or a surrogate I LIKE reading about people getting to have the joy and heartbreak of child rearing, especially when the characters are so well suited to being parents, as Crick and Deacon are.
So thank you for the lovely happy ending( a few Christmas novellas would be lovely..what will Crick get J.D. for his 16th birthday? I want to be a fly on the wall for the birds and bees conversation oh just the thought of that one!) keep up the good work.

Lizzie
7/31/2013 01:39:15 pm

That totally sucks. Of course Deacon and Crick were going to want/have a kid. It makes me think these particular critics haven't read the series.

My two cents are a month late but I'm glad you haven't lost your feisty, ALWAYS rant. I love your rants both on blogs and in books (you have a way of telling a character off...yipes). I don't always agree with you but they are always well said. Your books without rants would be like a peanut butter sandwich without jelly, a bone without marrow, and other bad things.

Thanks for your books and thanks for Deacon, Crick, Chase, Talker, Patrick, Jeremy, and Kit.


Comments are closed.

    Amy Lane

    Amy Lane has two kids in college, two gradeschoolers in soccer, two cats, and two Chi-who-whats at large. She lives in a crumbling crapmansion with most of the children and a bemused spouse. She also has too damned much yarn, a penchant for action adventure movies, and a need to know that somewhere in all the pain is a story of Wuv, Twu Wuv, which she continues to believe in to this day! She writes fantasy, urban fantasy, and m/m romance--and if you accidentally make eye contact, she'll bore you to tears with why those three genres go together. She'll also tell you that sacrifices, large and small, are worth the urge to write.

    This is where she posts about her books, and about Amy's Lane, the article she writes for the RRW once a month.  

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